WOW. There is so much to do. There is so much to say to so many people and still so many things to see and pack and on and on and on. I’ve been catching sleep wherever I can get it: trains, staff meetings, taxis, etc.
TODAY I AM SUPPOSED TO LEAVE SINGAPORE AND SPEND SEVEN MONTHS TRAVELING ASIA. When I say this out loud it means nothing, but as I look around my empty condo and feel the weight of my bag and realize that I can’t call my friends because they’ve all left Singapore already
What I Am Leaving:
--Friends who are more like family: Miriam, Katie, Lauren, Nick, Louise, Keri, Tamsin, Will, Charlene, Yvette, Anne-Marie,
--The good: amazing people. My lovely colleagues at Pioneer: Intan, Diana, Stephen, Madam Santhi, Doreen, Mr. Jamal, Madam Sriwanty, Aida, Pooja, Grace, Kamisah. My sweet, sweet, students: I’ve been teaching sec 3 all year long and I loved laughing with them and showing them amazing things in history and hearing their questions and seeing their personalities shining out.
--The good: diversity. It was wonderful to see such a mix of races, religions, cultures, languages and identities in my classroom. I genuinely loved hearing about the differences in their lives and how they could work these to their advantage, rather than detriment. And of course to open their eyes to places/people/ideas they’d never heard of felt great, too.
--The bad: Everything about my job directly outside of the classroom. This was torture. I am not exaggerating when I saw I wonder how many years I’ve taken off my life due to lack of sleep, stress, and not taking care of myself because of work.
--The bad: Bitterness. Towards my school leaders, the government, my real estate agent, Singapore in general. I will never regret leaving and may never fully appreciate going, unfortunately.
BUT
What I Am Moving Towards:
--The good: Beauty. I plan to spend most of my time outdoors during my trip. I cannot wait to see the natural wonders of Southeast Asia. Hiking, mountain climbing, scuba diving, jungle trekking, driving motorbikes, beach bumming, and on and on and on.
--The good: FOOD! Singapore had some seriously crap food which was just a watered down mix of influences from several countries (fusion at its worst, if you ask me). I’m ecstatic to go to the source and try plate after plate after plate of deliciousness.
--The good: amazing people. It’s incredible how quickly travelers form a bond between each other and how rejuvenating it can be to meet someone you can easily talk to and hear say, “I know!” And of course I’ll be seeing Justin and my mom, which is the ultimate reward for making it through this year!!
--The bad: Very rarely seeing familiar faces or spaces. Can I make it seven months without feeling totally relaxed with where I am or who I’m with? I love meeting new people, but there’s already part of me that longs for home—how bad will it get?
--The bad: Stress. This is of a different nature than stress from work because while I’m travelling I will be totally reliant on myself to work it out. I can’t just call a friend and meet up for a beer after school or watch a movie and have some wine at home. I’ll have to really develop deeper patience and optimism and trust in fate.
Oh, man, there’s so much still to do that I’ve been getting anxiety attacks. I’d better sign off here so I can finish everything before Justin gets here. Can’t waiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**6 hours later**
Well. This day has been-- Um...well...you see, it’s—it’s just that...oh screw it.
This is NOT how I saw myself starting my trip: delayed a day with way less cash than I had planned on having, fighting off anxiety attacks, and just generally less excited than I had figured I’d be. Justin and Irene were exhausted from their running around before this so we’re leaving tomorrow morning instead, but it will mean almost a day in KL is gone. Then shipping my stuff home nearly depleted my bank account: S$2400 (about US$1800, I think). Thinking about that has made me so nervous because now I know I’ll have to use up my US money and possibly my credit cards to get by until I’m reimbursed and paid in February. And of course add to it all that I’m just exhausted and sick of Singapore. It’s easy to see how this isn’t the grand send-off I’d hoped for.
But now that Justin is here (what a great hug to make up for being apart for two years!), I can hear his voice in my head saying that I need to be less fixated on this and more appreciative of the good parts of this past year and the great experience that is to come. And he’s right; worrying isn’t going to make me feel better or get anything done, so I need to stop.
But there’s one other thing that definitely keeps repeating in my head: JUSTIN IS IN SINGAPORE AND WE’RE GOING TO MALAYSIA TOGETHER! Who would have ever predicted four years ago that life would have brought us here? Although just to prove to you he hasn’t changed all that much since I met him, the very first thing he did after he came into the condo was to climb out of the living room window and onto the ledge that looks down sixteen stories onto the temples across the street. Yeah, that’s the Justin I remember.
Okay, I’m off to sleep and to mentally reset so that when I wake up I’m not thinking about lost days or low money or any of that negative energy that is just going to hold me back from enjoying the trip and growing and experiencing and connecting and all that other hippy stuff. G’night.
TODAY I AM SUPPOSED TO LEAVE SINGAPORE AND SPEND SEVEN MONTHS TRAVELING ASIA. When I say this out loud it means nothing, but as I look around my empty condo and feel the weight of my bag and realize that I can’t call my friends because they’ve all left Singapore already
What I Am Leaving:
--Friends who are more like family: Miriam, Katie, Lauren, Nick, Louise, Keri, Tamsin, Will, Charlene, Yvette, Anne-Marie,
--The good: amazing people. My lovely colleagues at Pioneer: Intan, Diana, Stephen, Madam Santhi, Doreen, Mr. Jamal, Madam Sriwanty, Aida, Pooja, Grace, Kamisah. My sweet, sweet, students: I’ve been teaching sec 3 all year long and I loved laughing with them and showing them amazing things in history and hearing their questions and seeing their personalities shining out.
--The good: diversity. It was wonderful to see such a mix of races, religions, cultures, languages and identities in my classroom. I genuinely loved hearing about the differences in their lives and how they could work these to their advantage, rather than detriment. And of course to open their eyes to places/people/ideas they’d never heard of felt great, too.
--The bad: Everything about my job directly outside of the classroom. This was torture. I am not exaggerating when I saw I wonder how many years I’ve taken off my life due to lack of sleep, stress, and not taking care of myself because of work.
--The bad: Bitterness. Towards my school leaders, the government, my real estate agent, Singapore in general. I will never regret leaving and may never fully appreciate going, unfortunately.
BUT
What I Am Moving Towards:
--The good: Beauty. I plan to spend most of my time outdoors during my trip. I cannot wait to see the natural wonders of Southeast Asia. Hiking, mountain climbing, scuba diving, jungle trekking, driving motorbikes, beach bumming, and on and on and on.
--The good: FOOD! Singapore had some seriously crap food which was just a watered down mix of influences from several countries (fusion at its worst, if you ask me). I’m ecstatic to go to the source and try plate after plate after plate of deliciousness.
--The good: amazing people. It’s incredible how quickly travelers form a bond between each other and how rejuvenating it can be to meet someone you can easily talk to and hear say, “I know!” And of course I’ll be seeing Justin and my mom, which is the ultimate reward for making it through this year!!
--The bad: Very rarely seeing familiar faces or spaces. Can I make it seven months without feeling totally relaxed with where I am or who I’m with? I love meeting new people, but there’s already part of me that longs for home—how bad will it get?
--The bad: Stress. This is of a different nature than stress from work because while I’m travelling I will be totally reliant on myself to work it out. I can’t just call a friend and meet up for a beer after school or watch a movie and have some wine at home. I’ll have to really develop deeper patience and optimism and trust in fate.
Oh, man, there’s so much still to do that I’ve been getting anxiety attacks. I’d better sign off here so I can finish everything before Justin gets here. Can’t waiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**6 hours later**
Well. This day has been-- Um...well...you see, it’s—it’s just that...oh screw it.
This is NOT how I saw myself starting my trip: delayed a day with way less cash than I had planned on having, fighting off anxiety attacks, and just generally less excited than I had figured I’d be. Justin and Irene were exhausted from their running around before this so we’re leaving tomorrow morning instead, but it will mean almost a day in KL is gone. Then shipping my stuff home nearly depleted my bank account: S$2400 (about US$1800, I think). Thinking about that has made me so nervous because now I know I’ll have to use up my US money and possibly my credit cards to get by until I’m reimbursed and paid in February. And of course add to it all that I’m just exhausted and sick of Singapore. It’s easy to see how this isn’t the grand send-off I’d hoped for.
But now that Justin is here (what a great hug to make up for being apart for two years!), I can hear his voice in my head saying that I need to be less fixated on this and more appreciative of the good parts of this past year and the great experience that is to come. And he’s right; worrying isn’t going to make me feel better or get anything done, so I need to stop.
But there’s one other thing that definitely keeps repeating in my head: JUSTIN IS IN SINGAPORE AND WE’RE GOING TO MALAYSIA TOGETHER! Who would have ever predicted four years ago that life would have brought us here? Although just to prove to you he hasn’t changed all that much since I met him, the very first thing he did after he came into the condo was to climb out of the living room window and onto the ledge that looks down sixteen stories onto the temples across the street. Yeah, that’s the Justin I remember.
Okay, I’m off to sleep and to mentally reset so that when I wake up I’m not thinking about lost days or low money or any of that negative energy that is just going to hold me back from enjoying the trip and growing and experiencing and connecting and all that other hippy stuff. G’night.
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